NFP is far less angsty than I was told it'd be
Discernment, abstinence, and God's perfect love for us
Once upon a time, college-aged Eliza made the mistake of reading a blog article written by a 30-something man about his personal experience of NFP in his marriage.
My naïveté made me unable to see that I was not the intended audience. I’m sure the author meant well, and I bet readers of his same age, gender, and life situation gleaned spiritual fruit of it, but I did not—at all.
In fact, it left me terrified out of my mind to practice NFP someday. I knew it was what the Church asked of me, and that therefore I would engage in it someday, but for many years I dreaded the reality to come and hoped that, somehow, my situation would be different.
This blogger talked about “hating” NFP but “needing it to save his soul.” He carried a tone of deep angst over exercising abstinence in alignment with his wife’s cycle whenever they discerned not to try to conceive children.
I’m not insinuating that the author of the blog post is a man with deep anger issues. In prep for writing this essay I found and re-read his article, and my 26-and-married heart felt refreshed by much of what he wrote regarding nailing his selfish desires to the cross in favor of loving his wife well.
But again, late-teenage Eliza was not the right audience for this piece of writing, and her reaction to it was something like, I guess I’ll have to accept a sour attitude from my own husband someday, too.
But I digress, because I’m sure there are many men with real anger issues who are quicker to sulk and lash out about NFP, making their wives feel like the healthy state of their bodies is the problem. Hear me loud and clear, friends: healthy, selfless, God-centered love isn’t like that. And you deserve this kind of love just because you exist as His daughter.
My marriage to Will, a man with healthy emotional intelligence, a selfless heart that never seeks to manipulate me, a voice that has never been raised at me in anger, has borne an experience of NFP that has no room for anger projected at me. Neither is that of many of my friends whom I’ve discussed it with. Every fear has been cast aside by God, who is perfect Love Incarnate. (1 John 4:18).
Moreover, NFP isn’t merely a neutral experience we feel “meh” about because it doesn’t cause us intense anger—it’s a categorically positive one for my female body, our emotional intimacy, and the ability of our souls to receive God. Plus, it’s been super accurate and effective for us.
I’m so grateful to be able to share a story of NFP (so far, in two baby years of marriage!) that’s nothing of anger and angst and everything of God’s beauty.
If you’re anxious about NFP, this essay is for you: