What age are we trying to look like?

Botox, skincare culture, and what all of it is doing to our souls

Margot Robbie as Barbie in Barbie, 2023.

What age are we adult women trying to look like? And why?

I’m seriously asking.

In Barbie (2023), Margot Robbie has the skin of a woman in her early twenties but without the baby fat that still lingers—she was 32 at the movie’s release. Kris Jenner’s recent ‘quiet’ face lift makes her look 30 years younger than her current 69. And yet, it isn’t only about looking younger than we actually are. Gen Alpha is notorious for descending upon Sephoras clad in the crop tops and contour skills of 19-year-olds.

So, what age are we trying to look like? Why is it so often not our own? And what is all of this doing to our souls?

We have real-life photoshop now

The message for my generation of adolescence was anti-photoshop and anti-Snapchat filter—remember, not every image you see is what that girl really looks like, we all heard.

But two things add an even more alarming element to this: 1) AI-generated images, and 2) the popularity of “natural-looking Botox.”

AI is dizzyingly good at generating pore-less and wrinkle-free skin, button noses, and plump lips, and it’s getting more and more difficult to spot the fake images from the real (even the Adobe-photoshopped real) as AI advances.

But the sharper technology in Botox makes me even more scared, because it’s like we have real-life photoshop now.

The other day I was commiserating with a friend about how I never used to care about anti-aging until I got my first wrinkle last fall.

“I hope I look like Margot Robbie when I’m in my thirties,” I shared with her, “She looks clearly older than a girl in her mid-twenties because she doesn’t have the same baby fat in her face, but she doesn’t have wrinkles, either. It’s like magic.”

My friend looked at me with so much intent and love. “Eliza, she’s had work done. Every celebrity has had work done. You can’t tell because it looks so natural and good, but you have to remind yourself that you aren’t seeing normal aging in Margot Robbie’s face.”¹

What age are we trying to look like? What age am I trying to look like, and why is it or is it not my 26 and a half depending on how I feel about myself that day? Why on earth do I care when I didn’t used to? Why on earth do I care when I beg God constantly to spare me from vanity, when my top priority is intimacy with Him, when being a saint is more important that having perfectly-toned arms and a wrinkle-free forehead?

Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling as Barbie and Ken in Barbie, 2023.

We are beautiful because God is

We are all inherently, unchangeably beautiful because God is, and we as women desire beauty in a particular way as the crown of His creation on earth (we were created by Him last, His pinnacle of beautiful, artistic work in all of nature, after all!) Every manicure and mascara tube, lip plump and liposuction is chosen from this core-level desire to behold beauty for ourselves.

But friends, I feel weary and worn out when I think about skincare and wellness culture. I don’t want to look like a plastic doll ten years from now, but I have to remind myself constantly that getting Botox I don’t actually want isn’t the answer to the temptation to look as five-years-younger as my peers. If “everyone” looks five years younger, then do the rest of us look five years older? When does it stop? Where is the contentment? The idea of “aging gracefully” still seems to require a litany of collagen-pumping facials and red-light mask sessions.

I find myself wishing I lived in a time prior when Botox wasn’t so popular and “invisible.” I’m begging God for the grace to be at peace with my skin right now, a preemptive mental health measure before I freak out about it like I notice many women in their thirties do. I’m aching to be free from this strange skincare culture we’re in.

What age are we trying to look like? I guess it’s a mysterious, unable-to-place Adult Woman™ who has everything together 100% of the time. In other words, not human.

But I don’t want that. I want to live wildly in love with Christ, undistracted by the standards of eternal youth put upon women, free. I feel like there’s a critical difference between wearing simple face sunscreen daily to protect your skin and 17-step morning and night regiments that consume so much energy, money, and brain power.

Pray for me, friends. I wrote this essay because I don’t have answers, only observations I feel angsty and anxious about.

Let’s lift each other up in recognizing the beauty God has given every single one of us.

In His grace,

-Eliza

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ELIZA LIKES THINGS

Thllowing are comissionable links. Shopping my recommendations and upgrading your subscription to paid are the best way you can support my writing, and I appreciate both greatly!

1. I tried on this halter dress at Hill House’s Charleston store the other day, and it’s even more flattering and feminine in person! It comes in a variety of patterns, including a chocolate gingham seersucker and blue hydrangea watercolor. Size down if you’re smaller in the torso. Find this dress here.

2. On sale at Loeffler Randall: these precious feather-pom kitten heels! They’re also on sale in the sweetest pink shade, and the rest of LR’s sale section is huge and generously discounted. Shop these heels here.

3. I’m a fan of the details on this new dress from Tuckernuck: the wide collar, eyelet detail, and shift silhouette are to die for. And what a brilliant navy with light blue accents! Linked here at Tuckernuck.

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I’D APPRECIATE YOUR PRAYERS FOR…

Those who struggle with body and facial image disorders. May they come to experience full, wild, and beautiful healing from these hardships by the love of our Great Physician.

1. Not here, and never, shaming Margot, or anyone else who gets any “work” done to their face. I only have love for you!