I agree with you. I’m 32 and will never get work done. It just seems odd to me to put in all this effort and energy to “perfect” the appearance of our bodies when ultimately that body gets put in a casket. It’s just not worth it to me, there are so many more wonderful ways to spend time. Also some of the most breathtakingly beautiful older people I’ve ever seen have had faces like the bark of a tree. I want a face like that, that is striking that my eyes shine out of, and what a gift to get to live to be that old to have that happen. ❤️
Eliza, I was just chatting about this very thing with my husband this morning! I’m 41 and live in a very fashion-centric city in Europe, and the pressure to dye my hair, obsessively exercise & restrict my diet, and spend a LOT of money on skincare/cosmetic work is intense, even in my little corner. It’s very difficult to find mentors in truly natural ageing in the generation just ahead of me, so I find myself looking to my grandmothers and their sisters for exemplars of women who have had a bunch of kids (also a rarity here, now well into the 3rd generation), lived full and happy lives centred on family and community, and had the softness and capaciousness that comes from a womanhood spent looking outwards (and upwards!) instead of at their own reflection. It helps a whole lot when I feel unhappy with my softer arms and tummy, or when I notice more cellulite than I used to. Also, framing it as radical political action makes my homemaking, socially conservative self giggle!
I think it's so important to raise these questions - and to keep raising these questions as we age! I'm also 26 and have only recently paying more attention to my skincare routine and considering what I may need (want) to do to support my body and skin as I age. For so long, I swore off almost anything besides the most basic makeup and skincare routine because I saw how my mom's obsession with her appearance consumed her at different times in her life and I didn't want that for myself. I think it's important for us to find examples where we can of women that we admire aging naturally and thinking critically about the sustainability, practicality, and vanity of certain beauty practices for ourselves.
Recently, a friend of mine got married, and all four parents (men and women between 55-65) got some form of botox to prepare for the wedding...they were getting married in the rural Midwest. I think there is something to be said for considering what our position in life is, as well as our heart's disposition when making beauty decisions. I hope to never dye my hair, for example, because I have the beautiful example of my grandmother to follow, and because my husband and I consider that expense an unnecessary extravagance. (also it is so difficult to know when and how to go natural once you start and as sweet as the 90 year-olds with brown hair are, I don't want to join them) But I do highly value clean makeup and skin care products for a whole host of reasons, and so we have decided that this is an area in which I can splurge a bit.
I guess I have no answers, just more questions and a few random snippets of discernment that my husband and I have done when it comes to my personal appearance. Like you said, it's every woman's job to figure out what is best for her based on a multitude of factors, but we're not alone in the consideration and frustration as we strive for heaven!
Maura, I feel SO SEEN by everything you said. I feel all the same ways about everything! I feel such a tension between wanting to decry and remove myself from anti-aging and general beauty culture, but then I also don't want to look "behind" everyone else, but then I also don't want to be obsessive anyway, but then I also wonder if the saints ever felt this way about these things...not to sound like a broken record, but we're living in unprecedented times with the anti-aging industry and striving for sainthood at the same time. Thank you for sharing your heart, Maura!!
Aw thank you! It’s so wonderful to have your perspective on beauty to follow and compare to in order to discern my own choices - no matter how much we may wish to, we don’t live in a vacuum and it’s so valuable to learn from each other’s discernment and struggles!
I know I’m young and haven’t experienced what it’s like to get wrinkles or feel like I look “old” but I have such strong personal opinions about how detrimental it is to us as a society to *expect* women to get work done as if it’s a normal occurrence, then feel like that would be seen as judgmental. I don’t blame women for having insecurities and seeing these procedures as the solution, I don’t think all plastic surgery *all the time* is wrong (probably). But it’s so sad to see the normalization and expectation of looking a certain type of way and a certain type of age when it’s a standard even the people who “look like that” don’t reach on their own. It must be impossibly hard to be a woman in Hollywood with hundreds of thousands of comments on your body, I understand how deafening that must be and I don’t like to add to the noise of what their bodies look like or speculation of what they might have gotten done. But even as we’re aware celebrities have money and access we don’t to look a certain way, clearly we are societally impacted by it!
A couple months I overheard two women (30s or 40s?) have a whole conversation about the work they wanted to get done and it was fascinating and crazy to me because I’ve never heard people talk about that in such a matter of fact way. But one of the women was telling her friend about how she was trying to convince her mom to get work done. She said her mom was scared of needles and *didn’t want work done* but she was convinced her mom needed to get certain procedures done…to look more beautiful?? If the only way to be confident or valuable or lovable is to look young (or whatever the goal is), I can see where the thought process goes. But what a broken thought process.
That conversation sounds so, so interesting, and it hurts my heart. You are right on the money about society expecting women to get work done and then judging them for it--makes me so angry! Jesus, please save us! Thank you for sharing your heart, Amelia!!
I am 23 and I live in Orange County, CA where it feels like every single woman around me has either gotten botox or is planning on getting it. It makes me feel weary and sad. I wrote about it a few weeks ago from a Gen Z POV! https://substack.com/@jennascolumn/p-165833552 (Also I recently found your page and I love it!)
Thank you, Jenna! I’m Gen-Z too. I’ve heard that about CA, and while I know the west coast is incredible beautiful, I can imagine it’d be so hard to see that all the time!
I agree with you. I’m 32 and will never get work done. It just seems odd to me to put in all this effort and energy to “perfect” the appearance of our bodies when ultimately that body gets put in a casket. It’s just not worth it to me, there are so many more wonderful ways to spend time. Also some of the most breathtakingly beautiful older people I’ve ever seen have had faces like the bark of a tree. I want a face like that, that is striking that my eyes shine out of, and what a gift to get to live to be that old to have that happen. ❤️
Such a wonderful perspective, Demetra❤️
Eliza, I was just chatting about this very thing with my husband this morning! I’m 41 and live in a very fashion-centric city in Europe, and the pressure to dye my hair, obsessively exercise & restrict my diet, and spend a LOT of money on skincare/cosmetic work is intense, even in my little corner. It’s very difficult to find mentors in truly natural ageing in the generation just ahead of me, so I find myself looking to my grandmothers and their sisters for exemplars of women who have had a bunch of kids (also a rarity here, now well into the 3rd generation), lived full and happy lives centred on family and community, and had the softness and capaciousness that comes from a womanhood spent looking outwards (and upwards!) instead of at their own reflection. It helps a whole lot when I feel unhappy with my softer arms and tummy, or when I notice more cellulite than I used to. Also, framing it as radical political action makes my homemaking, socially conservative self giggle!
Holly, this is such a beautiful perspective! Thank you so, so much for sharing this - truly!
I think it's so important to raise these questions - and to keep raising these questions as we age! I'm also 26 and have only recently paying more attention to my skincare routine and considering what I may need (want) to do to support my body and skin as I age. For so long, I swore off almost anything besides the most basic makeup and skincare routine because I saw how my mom's obsession with her appearance consumed her at different times in her life and I didn't want that for myself. I think it's important for us to find examples where we can of women that we admire aging naturally and thinking critically about the sustainability, practicality, and vanity of certain beauty practices for ourselves.
Recently, a friend of mine got married, and all four parents (men and women between 55-65) got some form of botox to prepare for the wedding...they were getting married in the rural Midwest. I think there is something to be said for considering what our position in life is, as well as our heart's disposition when making beauty decisions. I hope to never dye my hair, for example, because I have the beautiful example of my grandmother to follow, and because my husband and I consider that expense an unnecessary extravagance. (also it is so difficult to know when and how to go natural once you start and as sweet as the 90 year-olds with brown hair are, I don't want to join them) But I do highly value clean makeup and skin care products for a whole host of reasons, and so we have decided that this is an area in which I can splurge a bit.
I guess I have no answers, just more questions and a few random snippets of discernment that my husband and I have done when it comes to my personal appearance. Like you said, it's every woman's job to figure out what is best for her based on a multitude of factors, but we're not alone in the consideration and frustration as we strive for heaven!
Maura, I feel SO SEEN by everything you said. I feel all the same ways about everything! I feel such a tension between wanting to decry and remove myself from anti-aging and general beauty culture, but then I also don't want to look "behind" everyone else, but then I also don't want to be obsessive anyway, but then I also wonder if the saints ever felt this way about these things...not to sound like a broken record, but we're living in unprecedented times with the anti-aging industry and striving for sainthood at the same time. Thank you for sharing your heart, Maura!!
Aw thank you! It’s so wonderful to have your perspective on beauty to follow and compare to in order to discern my own choices - no matter how much we may wish to, we don’t live in a vacuum and it’s so valuable to learn from each other’s discernment and struggles!
I know I’m young and haven’t experienced what it’s like to get wrinkles or feel like I look “old” but I have such strong personal opinions about how detrimental it is to us as a society to *expect* women to get work done as if it’s a normal occurrence, then feel like that would be seen as judgmental. I don’t blame women for having insecurities and seeing these procedures as the solution, I don’t think all plastic surgery *all the time* is wrong (probably). But it’s so sad to see the normalization and expectation of looking a certain type of way and a certain type of age when it’s a standard even the people who “look like that” don’t reach on their own. It must be impossibly hard to be a woman in Hollywood with hundreds of thousands of comments on your body, I understand how deafening that must be and I don’t like to add to the noise of what their bodies look like or speculation of what they might have gotten done. But even as we’re aware celebrities have money and access we don’t to look a certain way, clearly we are societally impacted by it!
A couple months I overheard two women (30s or 40s?) have a whole conversation about the work they wanted to get done and it was fascinating and crazy to me because I’ve never heard people talk about that in such a matter of fact way. But one of the women was telling her friend about how she was trying to convince her mom to get work done. She said her mom was scared of needles and *didn’t want work done* but she was convinced her mom needed to get certain procedures done…to look more beautiful?? If the only way to be confident or valuable or lovable is to look young (or whatever the goal is), I can see where the thought process goes. But what a broken thought process.
That conversation sounds so, so interesting, and it hurts my heart. You are right on the money about society expecting women to get work done and then judging them for it--makes me so angry! Jesus, please save us! Thank you for sharing your heart, Amelia!!
I am 23 and I live in Orange County, CA where it feels like every single woman around me has either gotten botox or is planning on getting it. It makes me feel weary and sad. I wrote about it a few weeks ago from a Gen Z POV! https://substack.com/@jennascolumn/p-165833552 (Also I recently found your page and I love it!)
Thank you, Jenna! I’m Gen-Z too. I’ve heard that about CA, and while I know the west coast is incredible beautiful, I can imagine it’d be so hard to see that all the time!